Mr. Independent

September 26, 2012
sybilka

  1. Moojoy says:

    I am writing a book and this is the first ctephar (or just a part, not so sure right now)Sunlight and birdsong flooded in through the gaping window. The walls were bathed in a warm glow and the shadows of the room receded into their corners. The warmth and a sudden weight on his chest brought [Main] back to the world of the living. He opened his eyes and was met with two floating green orbs.“Meow!”[Main] smiled and reached up to pet the small creature. [Pet] began to purr loudly and settled down onto [Main’s] chest. [Main] let his head fall back on the pillow and a grin appeared on his face. He lifted his head again and addressed [Pet].“Remind me, why did you just wake me up?”[Pet] responded by rolling onto his back, putting his limbs in the air, and purring louder. [Main] dropped his head again and smiled. [pet] would often wake [Main] up only to fall asleep on top of [Main]. [Main] took in a long deep breath and sighed. He got up, sending [pet] rolling to one side of the bed; nevertheless, [pet] continued to sleep. [main] walked over to the basin and splashed water on his face. It was cool and refreshing. He grabbed a towel, dried his face, looked in the mirror, and saw that his brown eyes were bright blue. I didn’t put the names in because they don’t exist in the English vocab and I don’t want some dick taking them. Please no trolling, I would like some constructive feedback.I know it’s kinda boring that’s why I made it so short. I realize that I repeat the names but that’s because they are both male and I put a lot of back and forth for that, I don’t think the book would be like that most of the way. Thanks for the feedback.I noticed that it was a little boring so that’s why I kept it short, and the eye change was like a cliff hanger (and it seams to be working some) so, yes I would explain later. Thanks for the feed back.i forgot to mention this earlier, No it was not a reference to a dream, I just liked the way it sounded actually it kinda is. I had Creative Writing in 8th and I began to write this story (I have changed it drastically) and in the end of my 16pg short story, he fell out the window and then I wrote the opening sentence again (obviously he died and was in his bed) The reason I did this was because I was running out of time and I needed the ending (just thought that you guys would like to know ) Or, better yet, you could launch into some exciting action. Like the eye color change is a sign that something big is about to happen then the something big DOES happen. Ha! that’s actually what I am doing XD

Leave a Reply

Mr. Independent Mr. Independent Mr. Independent Mr. Independent Mr. Independent Mr. Independent
loading..